Author Vera Valentine’s Wisdom for Toxic Relationships

There she sat at a shopping mall table in deep thought. I, across the way from her, began wondering who this mysterious person was. 

‘You have something heavy on your mind,” I said to her. Who knew that this innocent comment would spark a series of random conversations between us. 

Over time I found our chats deep and intoxicating. Smart, well-read, and deeply spiritual she exuded a depth of life wisdom that was quite rare. 

A store associate for a major retailer at the mall, she shared stories of how the toxic work environment there was wrecking her spirit.  She also told me about her side passion found in a series of social media posts, where she shared her intimate thoughts about life

It was there where I became intrigued by the poetic narrative she shared — a struggling single mom trying to make sense of men, relationships, and the world.

Her writings were lucid and raw, at times displaying evidence of the dark place she was in. 

Meet Vera Valentine

We recently reconnected on Instagram where I inquired about her recently released book Hemorrhaging Ink: A Poetic Journey Through The 5 Stages of Grief. In a 50-minute telephone chat, we talked at length about the book and her journey in writing it. 

“I wrote the book primarily for those who feel alone and helpless in their journey through narcissistic and emotional abuse. Some of what I share originally appeared in social media posts I wrote during some of my darkest times. It’s a story of how to heal from toxic relationships.” 

Vera offers a vulnerable account of the damaging relationship cycles she experienced in life, where her heart was often broken by raging narcissists. Time and time again she tried to self-heal from these encounters, albeit unsuccessfully. It wasn’t until acknowledging that the healing had to come from within that those cycles of toxicity ceased once and for all. 

She described the writing process culminating in her new book as “years of blood, sweat, and tears.” 

“The book took me a long time to write because I had to constantly relive the awful feelings whenever I put pen to paper. Every time I’d write a chapter, I’d get depressed. I bled every single word.” 

She says being clustered away at home in grief during the COVID-19 pandemic sparked something in her to finally write the book.

“I was able to strip down how hopeless and afraid I felt. It was very tricky for me because truth be told I was afraid of what others might think. Through the book I wanted to help others break down walls so they never feel alone. The reactions to it has been very positive which is heartwarming.”

The book according to Vera is directed toward those who have either left or are intending to leave a toxic relationship. She sees it as a valuable resource for clients of her new   “Transformative Self-Love Coaching” practice as well as others who are simply on the journey:

“My aim is to empower people who find themselves in toxic relationships to break free of these cycles once and for all, through 1 on 1 transformational coaching, so they can finally feel the love that they deserve.” 

Vera says that her own cycle of despair hit full bloom in 2014 when her husband of 7 years abruptly left. Making matters worse, she was newly postpartum after the birth of one of her kids. 

Two years later she found herself fully enmeshed in a toxic relationship that accelerated her unhealthy spiral. Laments Vera:

“Toxic relationships are similar to death because you have to relive them over and over again.” 

Today, as a result of her inner work over the years, she now has a solid grasp of the reasons behind her toxic cycles — patterns she now celebrates being able to see and break. 

On our call, Vera expressed how the pandemic may have been a gift in disguise in terms of jump-starting a fresh new phase of her life.

“I left the W-2 work world in March after years of trying different career avenues where nothing lined up. Having been on this survival road my entire life, I realized that I needed to do something for me by investing in myself and working for myself.”

Vera offered these final thoughts as we closed our call:

“I want women to walk away with an understanding that their feelings are valid and that they’re alone. Moreover, I want to give them permission to feel those dark places in their lives while vowing at the same time not to stay there. Because in the end, it doesn’t matter what you were dealt in life when you can change your future.” 

_________

Great Books, Great Minds invites you to join us in purchasing a copy of Vera’s book on Amazon. Reach out to her at poetveravalentine@gmail.com. Trust me, she is one of the coolest people on the entire planet to converse with.