Can Divorce Become a Rich Experience? This Author Believes So.
Divorce sucks. I know all too well having personally been through it twice. But it can also be a rich growth experience, filled with compelling lessons and success guides.
Recently I had the pleasure of being introduced to Sylvia Guinan by way of a neighborhood friend Gloria, who I met while on a morning walk. A financial advisor for the last twenty-two plus years, Sylvia specializes in working with women in the midst of divorce and transition.
As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Sylvia offers a holistic framework to help one navigate through a divorce with love and grace. She lives in Connecticut with her three children.
Sylvia is also the author of a book entitled The Richness of Divorce: 7 Steps To Unwind Your Marriage With Love and Grace. In this book, she shares her deep insight into how to transform a breakup into a beautiful turning point that leaves one more emotionally rich.
In today’s modern world, says Sylvia, while divorce can create extreme challenges for all involved, it doesn't have to be devastating. Rather than viewing the end of your marriage as a failure, "The Richness of Divorce" provides a new framework for discovering how to honor—and integrate—the gift that your unique experience with divorce provides.
Throughout the pages, Sylvia guides readers on how to navigate their divorce with love and grace so they can transition into the next phase of their life fully empowered and honoring their authentic selves. She shares how to cultivate this wisdom and power by using the Seven Chakras as healing tools to reduce anxiety and stress and ensure your children’s security and well-being.
In an interview with “Great Books, Great Minds, she says that her efforts at helping about forty women navigate through a divorce are what inspired her to write this book.
“I wanted to help people get through divorce with a greater sense of love, grace, and kindness. Having been through my own divorce, I practice what I preach, exercising what I’ve experienced to be best practices. It was a very difficult situation but I was able to get by. I’ve ended up with a fairly good relationship with my ex-husband. And our three teenage kids are thriving and doing well.”
Sylvia says she is passionate about letting others know that there are ways to honor a relationship that may no longer serve you while still being kind and gracious. It’s here where she shares wisdom on moving forward in the best possible light possible — ensuring a win-win for everyone involved.
Sylvia says that she has experienced divorce twice: once with no children and then a second with three children.
“As I look at my first divorce, I can honestly say that it was done with such love and grace that he didn’t even want to hire an attorney. I found that really interesting. And we became good friends afterward. We would sometimes share holidays together. And I still am the investment advisor for his sister.”
She says that experiences like this while difficult allow us to grow.
“I think a lot of times it takes a challenging situation for us to truly learn who we really are.”
Asked about the books’ theme, “The Richness of Divorce,” she says the title reflects her belief that there is a lot of good that can come out of breakups. She calls it an opportunity to learn about yourself, your partner, as well as what you want moving forward.
Sylvia was quick to offer the reminder that we are all constantly changing and shifting.
“It’s really a miracle that relationships are able to stay together long term especially with it involving two different souls — two people who are on different journeys and who are trying to align on a pathway of learning, growth, and wanting to be together. With divorce there is sorrow, there’s pain. There is shame, there’s guilt. But you really can get to the bottom of it while discovering who you really are.”
In Sylvia’s book, she talks extensively about Chakras, sacred energy points in the body that can fall out of alignment when someone is going through transition and change. She believes that when faced with a challenging situation like a divorce, it’s important to get quiet and tap into them so that you can feel aligned. Says Sylvia:
“There are 7 chakras and I align each of them with one of the 7 steps in my book. “
Sylvia believes that chakra work is not only valuable in exploring how our spiritual understanding is opening up a new reality but that this wisdom is also key in navigating a world where you are no longer trying to remain in your current life.
Asked about the significance of this amid the pandemic, with so many couples feeling like they may be trapped in a relationship.
“The pandemic certainly did not create the issues that people may be finding in their relationships. What’s happening though is that the issues are magnified. And the reason they are magnified is that we don’t have all of the outside distractions that we used to have. So I believe it makes people go a little inward and really face their truths. And with that they may say, hey, this might not be the ideal marriage but it’s OK.”
Sylvia says that when two people are together 24/7 together as many have been during the pandemic, they begin to realize that maybe the relationship is worse than they had originally thought.
“I think the pandemic has been a moment of truth because many times couples had other activities to kind of distract them. Like going to the gym or after-work activities. Even friends they could do things with. But now things are a bit different. In fact, there are already some statistics indicating that there is going to be a rise in divorce. So this shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.”
Sylvia, however, remains optimistic about the power of communication in determining the temperature of a relationship. She reiterates the importance of expressing whatever feelings you may be harboring in a loving way:
“I believe you can totally change the outcomes of a divorce if it eventually comes to that by communicating in a loving sense. In other words, you can say things like ‘I can’t stand you,’ or ‘you’ve been this and that and it’s been terrible.’ Or your approach could be ‘you know, the first fourteen years things were great and we were aligned. We just have completely different interests right now that can’t be aligned. So let’s get through this as best as we can.’”
Sylvia says that good communication that avoids blame or pointing fingers creates an environment where more truth can come out. Eventually, it allows things to flow with more love and grace which taps into your heart chakra.
“The heart chakra is a tough one when you are going through any type of loss like a divorce or transition because it tends to close up to protect itself. So, again, it comes down to how you’re tapping into your heart and keeping your heart open so that you can have self-acceptance. Because a lot of times there is blame or shame. The gift comes in knowing you have been loved and will continue to be loved. You will be loved again. So it’s about maintaining that self-love.”
Then there is the whole money fact that always plays a sizable role in any divorce
“ When I talk to clients about money, that’s when things become real. When you are working with attorneys things can get expensive real quick. But my philosophy when I was going through my own divorce is that there’s no price for your freedom. You can’t buy back that time and it’s not worth keeping some of those material things when you are with a person you’re not happy with.”
Concluding, Sylvia says that it’s this intersection between the relationship and money dynamics of divorce that she is committed to addressing through her practice and the book:
“My biggest hope is that, ideally, I want everyone to stay together and be happy — But for those who can’t, my greatest hope is that they can do it with love and grace, realizing that they have more power and control than they think. My hope is that the book will offer a kinder, gentler, and more loving path to understanding the dynamics of divorce.”