Facing Challenging Times?
The Book On Cultivating a Positive Mindset
By Contributing Writer Neale Orinick
Ever have a book find its way to you at the exact time you needed it most?
As was the case with Dr. Narjes Gorjizadeh, author of “Grow Your Mind Grow Your Life,” I was living in survival mode and everything felt like a crisis. My son was struggling in school; my father was diagnosed with cancer; I was dealing with a painful physical ailment; a major appliance died necessitating a costly replacement; my car’s transmission went out.
I found myself dreading the start of each new day. In a sea of negative thoughts, I was drowning.
This Ain’t Your Typical Self-Help Book
Many books in this genre assert that the key to happiness and success is inside us. The difference between those books and the one Dr. Gorjizadeh has written is that she uses actual science that can be verified to back up her claims.
The book comes from a deeply personal place, as well. Living through a natural disaster, a devastating diagnosis, and career difficulties forced her to either let these life circumstances beat her down, or find a way to overcome the negative physical and mental forces ruining her quality of life.
To combat the stress and anxiety she was experiencing, Dr. Gorjizadeh turned to ancient wisdom and modern science to profoundly change her own life. She wrote Grow Your Mind Grow Your Life to share what she learned with the world.
The author is very clear about what the book is and is not. First, it’s a guide to helping each of us find a positive mindset even in the most negative life circumstances. It’s here where she shares her wisdom accumulated over a decade of research and personal experience that so many can relate to.
It is not a replacement for mental and physical healthcare. It is not a book about meditation. It is not a book that will solve all your problems because only you can do that.
Instead, Dr. Gorjizadeh has developed simple strategies to change negative thinking patterns and techniques that anyone,(seriously-anyone!) can learn and use to keep their mind focused on the positive.
Why I Connected With This Book
I have picked up a lot of self-help books. I have only finished a few. I devoured Grow Your Mind Grow Your Life because it offered more than just make-yourself-feel-better or stop-and-smell-the-roses advice. It gave me insights based on decades of scientific research as to why I sometimes feel so negative, how I unintentionally create internal stress and why I react to life’s unfortunate events the way I do.
I often find myself becoming anxious and stressed out not just by what is happening at the moment but what I imagine (the worst-case scenario, of course) might be in the future. I create stress internally over an anticipated event with no real way of knowing if it will actually occur or not.
Dr. Gorzijadeh writes:
“The human brain cannot distinguish between real danger or an imagined one. We can trigger the stress response merely by our thoughts.”
“The fact that we can create stress by our own thoughts puts a significant amount of responsibility on us. It means we play a role in the stress response in our body.”
If we can create stress in our own minds then we can also choose not to. I can choose to feel stressed over a future work situation or a past mistake or I can choose to live in the moment with the reality that the past cannot be changed and the future cannot be known for certain. Just typing that gives me a sense of relief and release. It is one less burden to carry around.
Mindful Distraction
A huge source of stress for many people is living in a world of constant distraction. Breaking news pops up on our phones to announce the latest catastrophe or scandal. Then a notification about an email from your boss leaves you unsettled while you try to ignore a string of texts from a co-worker demanding your attention right now.
Given all of that, so how do we cope with the stress of constant distraction in our lives?
Dr. Gorjizadeh offers “The Mindful Distraction” technique.
“We can use the rings, buzzes, beeps, and dings from our cell phones and digital devices as reminders to become conscious of the present moment.”
That sounds easier said than done. Well, it is. But it can be done. To understand why we are wired for distraction, the author turns to neuroscience and the term “novelty bias.”
“Our brain wants something new because it thinks there might be something better in the next new thing.”
“The modern world is full of distractions that feed this quality of the brain and train our mind to crave more distraction. Our brains get addicted to overstimulation. In fact, the more we get distracted the more we get conditioned to want to be distracted. Eventually, we get to the point where we start distracting ourselves, no outside stimuli required.”
Who reading this can’t relate? Constant distraction is a way of life for many (me included) and it has a very negative effect on our ability to focus, work productivity, or even complete mundane tasks. It can even damage our personal relationships. As our attention span diminishes our brain goes into survival mode trying to catch up on missed work deadlines, unfinished household chores while feeling guilty about neglected friends and family or even pets.
The “Mindful Distraction” technique acknowledges the real world we live in and how we can use those distractions to our benefit.
“Mindful Distraction uses distractions in a positive way by seeing them as reminders to practice focus (from the three pillars of growth described in chapter one) and become mindful for a moment. The very distractions that harm you are now benefiting you by helping you pay attention. They become a trigger to create a moment of mindful attention.”
Trying to be mindful is easier when you are prompted to do so. If you use your tech devices to do the promoting, you’ll find endless opportunities to refocus your thoughts on the moment, not on the distraction.
Ding! Breaking news! This can be a reminder that you are finishing a task and how satisfying that will feel.
Beep! Your boss sent an email! It’s Saturday and I am enjoying this time with my family so the message can wait until Monday.
Sounds overly simple, but it really is that simple.
The Science of Meditation
The ability to stay focused on who, what or where we are is challenging in a world full of constant distractions. The ancient practice of meditation is not part of any particular religious ceremony or any culture. Anyone can learn to meditate and train their mind to focus on whatever they need to at the moment whether that is work, a life situation, or even recreation.
In her research, Dr. Gorjizadeh learned about the science behind meditation and how it helps the body and the mind. Everything she shares is backed by decades of scientific research.
“Meditation is a scientific process, a method of training the brain to focus.”
“Scientific research has shown the positive effects of meditation on physical, emotional, and mental health. Meditation improves focus, memory, creativity, learning ability, and sleep, and reduces stress and anxiety. Meditation also reduces pain, improves immune function, and promotes healing.”
One common complaint or excuse for not meditating is the inability to focus. Many people find their mind is constantly wandering and they cannot focus on a mantra, their breath, or a single intention. According to the author, anyone can get past a distracted mind and learn to focus, it just takes practice.
When I asked Dr. Narjizadeh what her advice is to people who struggle with meditation she offered this wisdom:
“Meditation is not about turning our brain or mind off. It is about training our minds to focus. The interesting thing is that we don’t have to meditate for a long period of time to enjoy its benefits. Once we understand how it works, we can effectively train our minds with quick techniques. The techniques shared in my book are effective ways to train our minds to focus. They are designed based on the techniques of meditation. They are simple and quick, suitable for anyone who has a busy schedule and doesn’t have time to meditate or gets bored while trying but wants to take their meditation to the next level.”
Grieving
One of the most stressful, distracting, and mind-numbing things we all have had to deal with is the loss of a loved one and the ensuing grief. I asked Dr. Narjizadeh if her book could be helpful to someone grieving the loss of a loved one or even a career or way of life.
“The techniques in the book are good ways to support one going through grief because they encourage us to be in the present moment and that transforms our relationships with pain, even the pain of grief. In fact, the techniques in the book support us to face the pain of grief and go through it one moment of focus at a time and one word of wisdom at a time. It would be even more effective when these techniques are paired with meditation or mindfulness as extra support to go through grief.”
Your Mind Determines the Quality of Your Life
The recurring theme of Grow Your Mind Grow Your Life that resonated with me is my ability to control the quality of my life by controlling how my mind perceives the world, myself, and my circumstances. Happiness, productivity, peace are all a choice. The trick is learning how to train your mind to choose them instead of allowing negative thoughts, self-doubts, lest outside influences keep us in survival mode. Otherwise, we are just trying to get through every minute of the day instead of mindfully enjoying our lives.
This is not wishful thinking, either. Our ability to control our thoughts, our perception of the world, and our emotions are backed by real science. We really do have a choice when it comes to our emotional well-being. We really do have control over what we think and feel and how we respond to the fast pace of life - we just have to learn how to seize that control and choose to grow our mind to grow our life.
Dr. Gorjizadeh sums it up nicely with:
“Our lives and our life experiences are the result of the choices we make in every moment.”
About Dr. Gorjizadeh Author of “Grow Your Mind, Grow Your Life.”
Dr. Narjes Gorjizadeh is a research scientist with a Ph.D. in materials science (the study of the properties of solid materials and how those properties are determined by a material's composition and structure) and is currently a certified meditation coach, mindfulness teacher, life coach, and global speaker.