My Unending Obsession With Engaging Strangers In Public Places

Why Having a Book Helps

“Talking to strangers isn’t just a way to live. It is a way to survive.” — Joe Keohane

I crave the deliciousness of human connection. It’s my spiritual essence, my rai·son d'ê·tre. Rarely a day goes where I fail to strike up a conversation with some random person. As many who know me will attest, striking up conversations with strangers in new and interesting places is my jam. 

Why, you may ask, am I so obsessed with random encounters with others? In reflecting on the question the answer is abundantly clear to me, namely, that these collisions reflect my deep love for humanity and the lived experiences of others. 

If you are curious as to where the vast majority of these chance meetings occur, look no further than some of my favorite caffeine infused coffee houses that I have been known to frequent  throughout the U.S. My intention when visiting has little to do with ordering my drink of choice which is a dirty chai. Rather, crowds of coffee lovers are fertile ground for what has become my all-time favorite leisure activity which is igniting conversations with strangers. 

What these unsuspecting coffee house patrons are unaware of are the sly strategies I have up my sleeve for fueling these encounters. For example, one of my sinister strategies for igniting a conversation is to position a book at the table or counter I am sitting at within eyeshot of fellow patrons. This strategy often evokes a response like “I see that you are reading X” which leads to “what are your thoughts about that book?” At this point the lighter fluid has been poured on the conversational flame, igniting conversations of upwards of two hours or more. 

So imagine my delight when I stumbled upon a book a couple of months ago called “The Power of Strangers: The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World.” As the book’s online description reads….

In our cities, we stand in silence at the pharmacy and in check-out lines at the grocery store, distracted by our phones, barely acknowledging one another, even as rates of loneliness skyrocket. 

Online, we retreat into ideological silos reinforced by algorithms designed to serve us only familiar ideas and like-minded users. In our politics, we are increasingly consumed by a fear of people we’ve never met. But what if strangers—so often blamed for our most pressing political, social, and personal problems—are actually the solution?

In this book author Joe Keohane embarks on a journey to unearth the joy and mystery of getting to know strangers, folks who we may otherwise fear, distrust or even have an aversion to. Replete with a rich body of cutting-edge research on the shocking social and psychological benefits that ensure when chatting with strangers, Keohane shows how even random passing encounters can boost compassion, happiness, empathy, and cognitive development. Moreover, his book offers some bread crumbs of tips for those who may be wary of talking to strangers and befriending others, many of which he’s personally tried out in the wild.  

In this book excerpt which captures the deeper context of his message, he writes 

“A raft of new research is finding that talking to strangers can help expand us personally, opening us to new opportunities, relationships, and perspectives. It can alleviate our loneliness, and enhance our sense of belonging to the places where we live, even when those places are changing.”

In his book he gives a nod to noted urban sociologist Richard Sennett who praised what he called “the frictions in life — those little inefficiencies that force you to interact with strangers—like asking a butcher for grilling tips, or asking for directions, or just ordering a pizza over the phone. With the march of technological progress, those interactions have become increasingly unnecessary.” 

Profound and witty with fascinating stories of lived experiences in the art of engaging with strangers, this deeply researched book will inspire you to see humanity as well as yourself in an entirely different light. It will show you why talking to strangers as I have long had an appetite for isn’t just a way to live but a way to survive in today’s ever changing world where human connection is rapidly falling by the wayside. 

BTW - A nice compliment to this article is a piece I wrote for “Great Books, Great Cities entitled “Third-Places” As Communities of Connection.”  In the meantime, stay thirsty for a great book.

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