Ready to Leap Over The Gap?
….OK, I’ll Go First
Unsplash Photo Credit: Kid Circus
On the heels of my 60th birthday, I’ve decided to peel back the onion of my life. Become more raw. Make your eyes water.
Some of what I share may be relevant to you. Or you may see it as crazy thinking. So I encourage you to use what resonates and the discard the rest
A few weeks ago, in a piece entitled “Capturing The Shortness of Life” I explored Oliver Burkeman’s bestseller “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals.” In it he encourages us to embrace our finitude by surrendering to the rhythms of life. This, he says, allows us to “end our struggle with time” and live with “more accomplishment, more success, and more time spent on what matters most.”
The timing of this book couldn’t have been more perfect as I am accelerating towards my 60th birthday with warp speed. (NOTE: As an aside I don’t feel a lick over 40 and am feeling grateful for stellar health).
On that note, many of you know that this is the month that I’m moving back to Las Vegas. I lived there in 2017-18 and loved the area’s edgy, fun vibe — one that aligns with my core values of expansion, connection, and freedom.
This move is a part of what I’m affectionately referring to as my “Great Reinvention” — my life transformation and quest to hit the ripe old age of 120. For me, a big part of achieving this is relinquishing the old so that I can bring in the new.
So in the spirit of James Altucher, the self-made millionaire who back in 2017 got rid of everything he owned and lived in Airbnbs, I am relinquishing 60% of my clothes and whittling my library down to 22 physical books.
For years we’ve been deluged with advice on living a fully optimized life through book titles like “Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself,” “Next: The Power of Reinvention in Life and Work,” and “How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.” But the book that has me lit at present is…….
……..The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence and Success by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan.
So here’s the wrap. The “Gap and the Gain” is a book about increasing your advancement and happiness in life by flipping a switch in your brain. The GAP as these two authors assert is when one’s behavior is based on an on an unhealthy “need” or attachment, something outside of oneself. The key word here is “need’ —- focusing on something that’s missing or lacking.
Personally, marinating in The Gap is what has prevented me from living a world-class, elite life. But there’s still time — another sixty years in my estimation.
When you’re in the gap, you have an ideal scenario in your mind, an idea that you are measuring yourself against rather than the actual progress you’ve made. In other words, overlooking those things that you should feel gratitude for to this point.
This shows up for me in my tendency to obsessively check various metrics for progress — i.e. those addictive social media views and likes that give one a serotonin rush.
As Hardy and Sullivan note:
“When you’re chasing happiness externally, it’s because you’re disconnected internally. And when you’re disconnected internally, then you’re trying to fill a GAP.”
Thus their prescription for pivoting to a “Gain” mindset. It’s here where they bring their message home:
“The GAIN is based on being in harmony with what you want, and knowing that you don’t need it. When you’re in the GAIN, you’re completely free and happy right now. This enables you to commit 100 percent and pursue what you want without unhealthy attachments.”
“When you’re in the GAIN, you value your experiences—all of them. Every experience is viewed as a GAIN. When you’re in the GAIN, your life is based on your actions and results, not what could have or should have happened. The GAIN is about real “measurables,” not ideals.”
The authors go on to say that “the more you’re in the GAIN, the less you compare, compete, or even care what other people think about you.” Being in the GAIN, they add, “leads you to becoming increasingly unique and self-determined as a person. By no longer measuring yourself against externals.”
I find that whenever I focus on my GAINS, life for me feels more alive, optimistic, and in a peak state. My intentions are squarely focused on what I want versus need. Said another way, it’s the difference between lack thinking and abundance thinking.
“When you take the wanting approach to your future, it also means that you’re leaving behind the world of needing. It means that no one else is responsible for your future progress and success.”
In other words, it's about staying grounded in my long game versus short term survival tactics. For me, that’s reflected in three legacy aims
Have an impact on 1 million “Great Books, Great Minds” subscribers by 2030
Create a travelog documenting my visit to 2020 bookstores by 2030
Writing multiple bestselling books
Be awarded a MacArthur fellowship
I am ready to take a leap over my GAPS. How about you?
An Invitation From Diamond-Michael Scott:
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